Stress and My Hypothyroidism
What led to my hypothyroidism?
Stress. I have been in almost a constant state of stress my whole life. To get an idea of some of what I have gone through visit my Medium posts:
Even early on I had an extreme amount of stress in my life. I spent most of my childhood being angry at everything and mostly everyone around me. Most of that anger I internalized because I had seen how anger was used abusively. I swore to myself I would never exhibit anger towards others the same way it was used towards me. This was also my downfall.
I got into situations where I didn’t know how to teach others to treat me. My self esteem was shot before I even graduated from high school. It was literally a just get through every day to graduate so I could finally be free from the legal constraints of being a minor. Even though turning 18 wasn’t the sunshine and roses I somehow had hoped it would be being 18 allowed me to have say and agency in my own life. I could have dropped out of high school as soon as I turned 18 on Jan 2nd 1990 but I didn’t. I mean I really had no one that gave a shit rather I graduated or not so it wouldn’t have mattered anyway. That’s not what I wanted for myself. I wanted to show the world that I could graduate from high school no matter the fact my home life was non existent and all I had to rely on was myself.
I have been on my own since the age of 15. Well technically if you really want to get granular about it even way before then when the woman that gave birth to me officially ditched me at the age of 6. Thankfully at that time we were living with our grandparents who provided us a place to fall. I can’t say a safe place to fall because our house was far from safe. It was just a place to fall. One hell from another hell.
But I digress slightly. 15 is the technical time where I was forced out into the world on my own. I still as I write this look back on this time in my life and wish sometimes it would have been different. I would have given anything to be able to just relax. I felt and still feel today that I am in a constant fight or flight mode. This is not a healthy way to live.